


Best Served Cold

by rexluscus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dubious Consent, Hand Jobs, M/M, Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-05
Updated: 2011-07-05
Packaged: 2017-10-21 01:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexluscus/pseuds/rexluscus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thursday morning, and there were kippers for breakfast again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Served Cold

**Author's Note:**

> First HP porn I ever wrote. Warning for dubious consent.

Thursday morning, and there were kippers for breakfast again.

"Third time this week, Albus...don't suppose you could have a word with the kitchen, could you?"

"Have your own word, Severus. I myself could have these little buggers every day of the year and still want seconds."

Snape grumbled, and began de-boning his fish. Honestly, he thought, this  _is_  a school for magic…would boneless kippers really be too much to ask? The chair to his left scraped out. He permitted himself a quick sideways glance and his heart sank. The werewolf again. 

Three days of kippers on his plate and werewolves sitting next to him when there were plenty of other available seats—it was getting to be intolerable.

"...so I found myself in the strangest conversation with the Minister last weekend—you know, he really does have the most peculiar views on perennial gardening..." 

Snape let himself be mesmerized by Albus' inane chatter as he systematically stripped the fish of its skeleton. Next to him, the unmistakable sounds of the werewolf tucking in could be heard.

"...five bushels of Florida tangerines, a vintage Italian motorcar, not one but  _three_  African elephants..."

The sound of silverware squeaking on china to his left came to an abrupt halt. He blinked, abandoned his fish and reached for the toast. But before he could get it to his mouth, he paused and broke out into a cold sweat. 

There was a hand on his thigh.

"...and turn it counter-clockwise for a while, unless you're in a particular hurry in which case..."

He sucked in a breath, and completed his toast's journey to his mouth. It would not do to make a scene, certainly not in front of the Headmaster, who had taken to reprimanding him if he so much as looked at the werewolf crosseyed. Lupin had obviously lost his mind; that was not, unfortunately, entirely unexpected, even if the manner of his losing it was a bit...odd.

The hand began to move inward. There was the sound of juice pouring; apparently, Lupin had mastered the art of multi-tasking. Snape gulped, and tried to return his attention to the fish.

Long fingers crept through the opening in his robes and burrowed relentlessly through layers of underwear to find skin. Snape dropped his fork with a clatter, and Albus looked over at him sharply. The hand in his pants stilled.

"Severus, are you well? I daresay you seem a bit paler than usual."

"Fine, Headmaster, fine," he said through gritted teeth. This seemed to satisfy Albus, who turned back to his plate and cheerfully resumed his story. The hand began to move again.

Cool fingers closed around his half-hard cock, which seemed completely unaware of the inappropriateness of the situation and was responding enthusiastically. Ah, life was so simple for his cock, wasn't it? Snape cast a few panicky glances around to see if anyone had observed the shenanigans currently going on under the table. But everyone else seemed singularly intent on their kippers, labor-intensive little bastards that they were. Snape wasn't sure whether he was relieved or annoyed by that.

The first downward stroke made him sit up abruptly and bang his head against the chair back. "Cramp," he said with a stiff smile to Albus' questioning look. The hand moved back up his shaft and a thumb stroked lightly across the head.

"...and by then about twenty people were gathered, no doubt wondering what a grown man was doing in the middle of the street with a cricket bat in one hand and a lamp shade on his head..."

The strokes became quicker. The werewolf had to be getting a cramp in his wrist by now, with the rather limited mobility he must have under the table, not to mention tangled in Snape's robes. The fingers worked quickly over his shaft, squeezing rhythmically on each stroke, each brush of that thumb over the head sending a jolt up his spine. His cup of tea shaking in his hand halfway to his lips, Snape closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself one small sigh.

"...for heaven's sake, am I really boring you that much, Severus? I thought you were  _interested_  in South American medicinal herbs."

"Hm?" Snape's eyes snapped open and he caught his breath, feeling a bead of sweat make its way languorously down the left side of his face. "What? Oh, of course I am, Albus. You know about the—the trip I make to—to Brazil every year..."

The hand was squeezing and pulling in earnest now. Static began to suffuse his vision and a sweet buzzing tension gathered in his balls as the end suddenly came into view. His teacup clattered in its saucer and he seized the napkin to his right convulsively. He tried to remember what he'd been saying to Albus—something about herbs—when he—

All sound stopped as a crashing wave of pleasure swept from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes, at the same time as he pressed the napkin to his mouth in a violent fit of coughing that made even Madam Sprout at the far end of the table turn and look. Trembling, every nerve singing in satisfaction, he peered around guiltily. The sweat breaking out on his forehead was now mortification, not arousal. 

Very slowly, very discreetly, the hand withdrew itself and retired to its proper place in Lupin's lap.

"Severus, I'm going to have to insist that you go see Madam Pomfrey at once," Albus said in exasperation. "No—don’t argue with me—that's a direct order."

He looked down at the half-eaten kipper and gnawed-at toast on his plate. "Yes, I think I've had quite enough," he said and got up unsteadily, nearly tripping over his chair as he made for the door.

"Oh, Severus," came Lupin's mild entreaty from behind him. Snape froze and turned with a thunderous look in his eye.

"Thank you ever so much for teaching my class the other day. The children said you skipped rather ahead, but no matter, just one less thing I'll have to cover with them later. You've been  _ever_  so kind, Severus."

Snape stared, his lip twitching. And began to plan his retaliation.


End file.
